I'm tired, and losing interest

This thing has become a monster. It seems Julie's whole family has now read this blog. The mere process of observation inevitably changes that which is being observed. What has this blog become? I'm not really sure, but it is certainly not what I had in mind. Now when I start writing, I have to think about what I'm going to say. I have to wonder what the backlash can or will be. I have to consider if I really want people close to me to know SO much about my inner thoughts, fears and realizations. The answer, of course, is no. I think it's ok to be honest with people and discuss emotions and feelings, but I certainly don't feel comfortable with Julie's entire family being able to read everything I think I feel.

I feel good when I look at some of the things I have written. I can see some growth, some realizations and that's why I started this. In the last couple days, though, I just see irritation. I see it in my posts and in my comment replies. I'm just tired of it all, it's become far too much drama. Julie is at a critical time in her pregnancy, and she's had nothing but negative stress for the last 3-4 days. Those feelings transfer to our baby, and that's a sad thing to me. Julie is my life, and I've been unable to protect or shelter her during these last few days and that - for lack of a better term - sucks. I started this hoping for a good thing and it has turned into a bad thing. In the immortal words of the genius, Trent Reznor,

"Tried to save myself, but myself keeps slipping away."