A blog about MY feelings

Seriously, I felt the need to title it that way because, fuck me, It's been about these mother fucking "infertiles" for the last three days. The stress finally got to me about 2 hours ago. Julie was actually typing a reply to one of these ignorant bitches that keep flaming me, and I asked her what she was doing. She was frustrated and yelled, "Don't talk to me while I'm fucking typing!" Well I didn't take that very well, and I yelled at her. It broke down into a full blown argument and I said two very fucked up things, neither of which I mean, or that had ever crossed my mind until the exact moment I said them. The unfortunate thing about this situation is that it isn't the first time that I've been a spur-of-the-moment asshole. The really unfortunate thing is that it regrettably will not be the last. It's hard to be with me, it really is. I think I have a lot of good qualities but I also have some unique, um, challenges. The plain and simple fact of it is, we would probably argue more if it weren't for the fact that Julie is a tremendous person, and she let's a lot of my garbage just roll off her back. Sometimes though, I can be really hurtful. My gift with words can be used for evil as well as good! If I think about it, I guess that, in some recess of my mind, i did mean to bother her with the things I said, but I never meant for it to hurt the way it did. Just for the record, the things were legitimately hurtful, not she's-pregnant-and-over-reacting hurtful. As I was trying to apologize, she said, "what are you going to say to the baby if you get mad at it? Are you going to just yell and spout off hurtful shit and try to apologize later?" Well, shit. It pissed me off that she said that, but it is certainly cause for pause. It bothers me because it's a legitimate question, a little too close to home. It's very daunting when I think of all the things that I'd like to change and improve upon before my baby is born.

Julie has a friend named Ariane. There are times that I have questioned certain things about their relationship but as I stated earlier, times of "crisis" are when you learn the most about people. I think it's quite telling that Ariane has come to my defense in the last couple days. She really has no need to, except that she probably feels a bit protective of me, because I'm the boyfriend of her close friend. By coming to my defense, she is really trying to defend her friend, and that is a beautiful thing. Relationships change and grow, and sometimes they go through awkward and uncomfortable periods. True friendship; however, perseveres.