Aftermath

Things are better. Julie and I got off the phone and took some time apart, then she called me and we worked some things out. She said I misunderstood her about the moving away thing. I believe her because everything she has said thus far in our relationship is FAR out of line with what I thought she said. When she's not crying and I'm not irritated that she's crying, we communicate very well. She impresses me all the time at how calm, rational and intelligent she (normally) is.

This has been such a roller coaster! One minute the world is falling apart, the next minute I just can't believe how lucky I am to be with someone as understanding and wonderful. Telling her she's pregnant and moving to Indiana in a three day span clearly tests the limits of her calm, rational demeanor. I told my friend Lynette that Julie was pregnant, then I told her about the offer to take over a business. She was speechless, and then said it felt like I was like hitting her with a left hook, then a right uppercut. If she feels that way, I can only imagine how Julie feels; not that my feelings are too far off. To be forthright, I think Julie's biggest concern is leaving her family. While I moved out of my moms house at 17, Julie has never lived more than 30 minutes from her parents. This is not to say that she isn't independant, 'cause Lord knows if she wasn't, she wouldn't have gotten this far with me! i would imagine, however, that if you've always been able to pop over and see mom, or grab lunch or, like today, zip off to malibu; the thought of not being able to do that any more would be very daunting. By the way, if we move to Indiana, I'm very much going to miss saying things like, "zip off to malibu."

I just keep thinking about growing up, and all the places I've been, and all the things my mother and I went through, and it's very surreal that she's now in a place where she can give me a company. Give me a company. Just the sound of that is ruthlessly absurd - give me a company. That's shit that Donald Trump does, not my family! I've done exactly nothing today at work, by the way. I've tried to read about cord blood, but after an hour and eighteen websites all I know is that they collect blood from the umbilical cord. That's approximately exactly what I knew one hour and eighteen websites ago!

When I was talking to my friend Lynette, we were talking about the circumstances that led to me moving back to California from Denver, which were not pleasant. I said to Lynette, without really thinking, "big deal though. If that wouldn't have happened, Julie wouldn't be pregnant, so it all worked out for the best." I shocked myself a little bit because as excited as I am, this pregnancy was still unplanned. Not exactly a mistake, mind you. I think Julie and I both could have been a little more careful in our prevention methods. (namely, we could have had prevention methods...)

My mind is swimming. I'm actually glad I am doing this blog, just so I can spit some of it out. The hardest thing is staying on track, since there are SO many things happening, SO many things to think about. I really want to do this, though, with the business. "Opportunity of a Lifetime" is a phrase that is tossed around quite a bit, but really, does anything fit that phrase more than someone giving you a company? Really? Oh, and P.S. a house to live in? Don't get me wrong. If it wasn't for this opportunity, Timmy doesn't live in Indiana. Point blank, roll credits, let the fat lady do her thing. I LOVE Southern California. To me, this place is PARADISE! My mom calls me and asks me what the weather's like. I laugh and say, "78-85 and sunny, just like every other day!" Can you imagine? I grew up in St. Louis, the town where the phrase "fucked up weather" was coined. Weathermen in St. Louis get on T.V and say, "I don't know. Back to you, Bob." Los Angeles has everything: Good looking people, hot clubs, great beaches, wonderful restaurants, interesting culture and, first and foremost, diversity. One of the things that Julie and I are both worried about is the lack of culture and diversity in Indiana. In Los Angeles I can take you to an Ethiopian restaurant, then drive 4 blocks and get dessert in a Russian cafe, then we can head up sunset to a Korean furniture store, then we can go to my favorite place on Melrose that is run by Armenians! Wonderful! I'll miss SoCal. I'll miss our incredibly cool area of Long Beach. I do not actively want to leave, but my life is no longer about what's cool, it's about what is practical and best for my future.

Slaving away for 60k before taxes; it doesn't seem like that's quite it.